Farewell.

Tomorrow is the Senior Breakfast. I haven’t quite decided what to wear but it’s supposed to be casual. At 7 sharp the graduation ceremony will start and I’m sure I’ll cry before that. And after. I was given some advice, to be present. To get out of my head and notice every detail and not think about the future or the past but where I am. I wish this day can last forever, where I don’t have to get up and graduate tomorrow. Where I don’t have to be considerate an adult. There are definitely moments in my life that I’m proud I’m an intellectual human being, still evolving of course, and be somewhat considerate an adult you know? Not some “teenager”. No adjectives, I think teenagers holds enough descriptions already. It’s going to be uplifting and depressing. A victory in the books and nostalgic. 

The only advice I’d give myself freshman year is that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of, I promise you. The world could have taken you far but an empty fear stopped you. There was nothing to be afraid of. And so what you tumble and fell? Go up at it and continue on.

I always did this thing in my head where I would be like…when things die down, I’ll do that thing I have to do. Okay after this thing is over with, I’ll do that thing. Well..there will always be a THING to do. It’s not neccesarily in your way, you just make it seem like that. In some things, there isn’t a “right time”. There is for how long you put cold turkey in the microwave but not life things. Things, things things things things. Something will always come up. 

One word to describe all these feelings would be bittersweet. What a beautiful word. I have a fetish for words like those. High school was tough for me. It wasn’t fun and I’m going to say it was more like climbing for me. The funny thing is,  I wouldn’t change it if I could. I liked that everyday was a learning experience and I felt like after these four years, a new layer was unraveled. I love how complex we humans are, not anatomically or physiologically, but our personalities. How different my tastes are. And how other people’s tastes and personailties are. Even though I would rightely caterogized myself as an introvert, I love observing and learning about someone. Their cliches and the way they make their tea or say a word. It’s the best when you first meet them, very first hello. 

I’ve wrote enough. I must say, I miss writing endlessly on here. Learning so much, I feel like this is a way to keep track of it.